to grandmother's house.

hey, neighbors!
i'm coming out swinging,
and i'm gonna kick your grandma's butt right off of her body.
ka-BOOM!
listen, man-
i'm on some time-travel future new hottness sh!t,
and i'm not trying to hear about that old busted jauns.
oatmeal cookies.
yup.
that's right.
oatmeal cookies.
the province of nanas, and babas, and grammies, and nonis,
and bubbies, and whatever other other old mama noisetalk you got.
i'm about 'em,
and i'm doo-dooin' it better than ever.
i realize that's a bold statement,
but allow me to explain.
chunky snickerdoodle-do doo-doo butterballs are the old guard.
i know, i know, i KNOW you love that cinnamony fresh-baked stuff
you remember.....
but,
this time, this stuff, right here and now?
THIS is truth.
check the teleport, then i'll tell you all about it:

mmmmmmmmm.
fattie-boombattie knobbly nubs of love!
what's the plan that makes these so 'schuan?
i'll tell you right now, buddy-
crushed vanilla-bean, oats, and vanilla soy yogurt,
steeping together in one bowl, so everything gets soft;
and butterish butts creamed up into a blend of raw sugar, cane sugar,
and brown sugar in another,
with a splash of vanilla, and some whole wheat flour, too?
that's smart.
huh?
yep.
good eyes on you!
there ARE raisins in there.
but,
that's not enough to dazzle my razzlers, y'all.
so i added chocolate chips, too.
too much is the right amount, every time.
friends,
the yogurt, unlike applesauce or some other egg-replacement,
stays moist,
so the cookies stay soft,
and when you've got oatmeal softies on the inside,
and a delicate caramelized sugar crusty crunch on the outside?
yes, indeed, that is some BOOMfire right there.
the thing is, without cinnamon, they ain't sh!t.
that's why i activated a double stripe of drizzly cinnamon-vanilla icing on top.
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          dear grammie,
                 
                    your sh!t is obsolete.
                                           
                                             love always,
                                                   xoxoxoxo,
                                                          albie
-----------
i'm like that.
so what?
i've got my cookies,
and if you've got the appropriate orifice in place,
they are for the eatin'
i'll share 'em, too.
i'm not a jerk,
i'm just a blowhard.
there's a difference;
never quiet, never soft.....