foldovers.

daaaaaamn.
compared to the amount of sunshine shooting down from the sky
and soaking into the soil of the woodsly goodness,
it's really flippin' cold outside.
like,
springtime yardwork was immediately put on hold
on account of both dropping temperatures and brutal wind.
seriously.
i'm sayin',
a two-mile inaugural new bike ride-along would've been
a perfect jaunt down the backroad byways of this scenic vale;
but the whipping wind slowed all progress to a near-stop,
and the slicing gusts cut through layers and layers of heavy clothes
and worse, saturated all exposed skin with knifing icy red bitterness.
yuck.
so,
if raking and pedaling weren't on the menu for my only day off.....
...what WAS gonna get poppin'?
ummmm.
how about super-surly serious barbarian burly burgers?
yeah.
neighbors,
check the open-face-foldover-type teleport:

tough!
the bread was pan-fried and puffed-up and smooth, y'all.
corn flour and wheat flour and semolina flour;
nootch and gluten and black pepper,
and slightly sweetened warm water, with two kinds of yeast.
expert.
slowly risen and roughly kneaded and gently rolled out
and attentively cooked up.
flipped twice, too, for double first-side buttery activation.
that's the good stuff.
i mean it.
without some elite breadstuffs for our base layer,
we're doo-dooing it so wrong from the start,
and that's bush-league amateur waterbaby bullsh!t.
it's not invited.
you wanna know what is invited?
ripped up boston bib lettuce and pea shoots for roughage.
with a cilantro-scallion-lime cashew cream dressing to make it expert.
yup.
and that's just side one.
side two has thick homemade guacamole,
some sweet yellow tomato and fresh chopped garlic salsa,
a punch of pickled jalapenos-
brined in sugary salted apple cider vinegar with peppercorns and lime juice-
and homemade pinto bean sandwich circles.....
i'm talking about brown on brown on brown discs of dopeness.
no jokes.
i made 'em up, and i made 'em thick,
because when warrior poets get hungry,
they need a meal that fights back.
what's in 'em?
a whole lotta beans,
seitan powder (vital wheat gluten), nootch, g.p.o.p.,
smoked applewood sea salt, black pepper,
spices and spices and spices,
a couple of caramelized shallots, and a few cloves of pressed smashed garlic,
bean flour, ground flaxseeds,
chopped parsley and cilantro, and olive oil.
uh-huh.
all of that, smooshed and formed and flattened,
and then browned on both sides in a hot hot hot pan
for perfectly expert barbarian fattieboombattie patties.
and once that yellowy flatbread if folded in half,
the doubled-up goodness gets turned up to a whole other tier of terrific.
that's right.
i mean, you see how rad it looks, right?
well,
it tasted eleven times better than that.
real talk.
when the weather is tricking me,
i take comfort in my kitchen.
i'll spend time preparing sauces and spices and doughs,
i'll chill the chutney and i'll marinate the 'meats',
or whatever.
if i'm gonna eat it,
and i'm gonna serve it up to my peoples,
then it needs to be dope.
rules is rules.
it takes a looong time to make masterpieces,
but only a little tiny minute to murder 'em.
the journey is important,
but the end result matters more.
nobody sees what i'm doing to get ready,
but tastebuds can tell the difference between the hottness
and some diapery box-mix b!tchbaggery when it's finished.
i do what i do,
because that's the way it has to be.
too much, for too long, in too many different ways,
or nothing at all;
never quiet, never soft.....