Monday, May 2


sandwich week.
day one.
the start is always mildly intimidating,
just a little tiny bit.
it's got to be good, or else-
jumping right into sandwich week.
with some b!tchbaggery can break an eight day stretch as it begins,
straight out of the gates.
and from the first night,
the whole thing could potentially eat a hot plate of sh!t salad.
i'm serious.
i mean,
we all already know it's not gonna ever premier with weak-A* white bread,
salty prepackaged phony pigpart cold cuts,
busted mustard,
and square american cheese as the debut of infinite lameness,
but still.....
it mustn't be anything less than wholly expert,
with the righteous light and heat and thunder
of a hundred juggernauts rolling towards ancient ziggurats,
ready to raze and riot amongst the exultant resultant rubble.
and on a bun, no less,
which is it's own kind of  pressure
that's no joke.
i NEED the big action to be big, and activated;
and the display to be delightful, and the flavors to be complex,
and different from before,
and all of that takes thought, and forethought, and vision and foresight,
and that's not something that just spontaneously leaps into pure being,
at least not just simply because i will it to.
i'm not a sandwich GOD.
what sort of self-styled self-aggrandized narcissistic
sense of self-importance do you really think i have over here?!
....i'm much more like a sandwich emperor,
with the potential for deification pending;
determined by the fruitfulness of this week.
that's what i'm sayin', neighbors-
the jump CAN'T be diaperbabyish,
and if we're gonna tread familiar ground, there has to be some new hottness
thrown into the mix, because a previous level eleven sandwich can't be again.
last week's eleven is only this week's nine-
rules is rules, guys.
i made a bangin' banh mi last night.
and i made that blazin' asian mama F*ing work.
check the autobahn-type teleport:

the elite KABOOOOOOMFIRE was on the premises!
i had some good fortune-
-due to rabbit rabbit-ing, you can be certain-
i found the softer baguette, with the fluffy interior,
and i scoopled it right up.
a bias cut, some butterish,  and a very hot pan completed the look,
and the foundation was ready for filling.
we got thinly sliced small cucumber on the bottom,
and grilled ramps!
those rare exxtra-white-people-style young wild leeks
are worth every bit of the fuss that folks make over them.
smoked pan-seared vegan roast, with molto paprika and GPOP added on,
because the pate layer in real jauns is gross as all hell,
but a roasty tier of terrific taste is NEVER a bad idea.
then there's those rectangles of  sweet 'n' sour spicy mae ploy
thai-type glazed tofu, too.
dry fried 'fu, flash-finished with soy, green chili sauce, rice wine, and mae ploy glaze,
for a balanced, and complicated spectrum of special flavors for your face. good.
farty daikon and carrot pickle, double pressed,
after the rice wine brine and sugar phase,
to rid the room of some of that firmly funky stankonia.
wilty, but crawnchy, tangy, but sweet-
these 'guinis had the right stuff to start our semana de sucioso off with a bang.
fresh jalapeno slices, for that mystery fire, not in every bite;
unpredictably pleasant and powerful pauses for deep breathes and runny-nosed heat-
the kinds of things which make eating much more fun.
and sriracha/ramp veggie mayo spread on top,
for the mandatory cilantro sprankles to stick to.
i was stressed a bit at first,
but it ended on a high note, no question-
the good news is it went straight up to eleven.
i had to have those tomatoes on the side,
to cool off my mouth between big bites.
that's real.
and the brussels?
i wanted to make sure the smoky sesame oil soy glaze wasn't a fluke the first time.
turns out,
it's a real thing, and it's real dope.
sandwich week is a good tool for refreshing one's skill
at killing it day after day in the kitchen with new hottness and fresh ingredients.
there will be MORE of all of it. because that is the way it works.
in fact,
i already began the day with a dose of that dope doo-doo:

oh, c'mon-
Baconish, Lettuce, Sprouts, Hummus, and Tomato.
no wasted loaves over here, y'all.
the last third of that fancy french bread from last night
made itself useful this morning.
i'm about that life, and that's the way i'm gonna live until the day that i die.
rural, remote, really real Folk Life...
that's what i've got,
i also have some super-sexxxy, fabulous wild-in-the-streets world cuisine,
and that's how i thrive away from the wider waking wonders
of the developed and populated bigger picture;
never quiet, never soft.....

Sunday, May 1


it's the first,
and that means a rabbit rabbit treat-
because rules is rules.
it's also sandwich week,
and that means it's gotta be a sandwich treat.
for the exact same reason;
rules is rules-
is that going to be a problem?
not for me, and not today-
you'd better believe it,
it's right now that we're bakin' up some new hottness,
and putting it on both sides of some filling, too.
that's how sandwiched work,
and right now, the baked greats we've got going on are fantastic.
we're making whoopie..........pies.
check the mayday-type-sandwich-week-startup-style teleport:

decadent chocolate, made lighter, and tighter,
by the new egg replacement blend i've been working on.
hot water, and ground flax, and chia seeds,
soaked all in one small dippin' bowl for a few minutes.
it works the best of all the many many things i've tried,
for when what i need is binding that has albumental albumenesque traits.
for real.
i dripped a little pinky pink in the ludicrously luscious filling.
just to  hotten it up a smidge on the pretty side of things.
half a tub of creamchee',
a stick of butterish,
3 cups of kapowdered sugar,
vanilla, and a few tablespoons of soy yogurt,
whipped into a frenzy,
and rolled in some kyooooot sprankles.
i have got it going ON right now-
the thing is, i've also got a bunch exxxtra.
too much is the right amount, after all.
i guess i'll just have to save it for another 'nother time.
(which i believe will be so much sooner than later, 
it won't have had a chance to change much at all)
chocolate cake, in pie format, is dope.
whoopie pies are molto dope.
cocoa powder is so strong, and being vegan right in the middle of all of 
it is kind of the best part.
i think i'm underselling it.
allow me to reiterate:
vegan whoopies, guys!!!
i mean, 
they're SO good.
i kind of can't stop eating them.
did i wake up and pickle some daikon and carrot?
yes, i most certainly did.
what about marinating some super firm drained and pressed tinily cubed tofu 
in white wine vinegar, lemon juice, salt, and oregano?
it does need a few days to really activate, 
so i got it ready well in advance of the plans i've made for it.
i've got stacks of sauces marrying their flavors;
i've got both my veggie crispers packed to the top; 
the bread box overflowing down onto the counter in both directions;
and some pretty strong smells permeating the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i sort of wish sandwich week was a more widespread thing,
but having a whole holiday that's all mine is pretty good too.
i'm thankful for and mindful of the time and energy, 
the cooperation and the companionship,
the spirit and memory,
the gratitude and generosity,
that make little things like a week of focus and enjoyment possible.
it's all a lot to take in, even for something that seems so simple on the surface.
i'm very lucky, to say the least;
never quiet, never soft.....


this is it, kids.
the first of the month,
and it's also a day for dancing around a stick or something,
and also also it's a distress call to all of y'all,
so that you know there's a mutha-F*ing emergency happening
right this very minute,
in real time three hundred and sixty degree high definition surround sound
stereophonic full effect.
that's right!
today is the day,
and it's got to be one hell of a good one.
first things first, on the first,
i spoke the spell that seals the deals and cultivates the fortuitous coincidences
that conduct echoing infinite electric expertism,
live and direct through the soil and the sky,
with the circuit closed by my soles, soul, and palms....
the magic words, neighbors,
straight off of my pursed and percussive pout,
and out loud, proud, and uncowed into the universe
for maxxximum may daily dopeness:
rabbit! rabbit!
yeah, i said it.
rules is rules.
i don't play around on may day, but i DO burn things.
it's s'posed to rain later, so that'll be somethin' to enjoy,
with a pipe and a slicker and a stinkyheaded bull terrier,
we'll blast up a big batch of beltaine burliness,
but only after we do what we're meant to do.
you know.
THAT'S really why today is the day, duders.
it's the first, and it's sunday,
and in conjunction with beltainted love,
and social anarchist red and black workers' rights sh!t,
and the pole with the streamers,
and the magic flippin' words,
there's something else that's supremely expert
that happens to happen when the calendar flips it's sh!t,
and day one is on the topmost left corner of the page.
word up.
and that's some other other big biz altogether.
so what do we do about it,
fresh off the hop, straight from the jump, and top of the list?
that's gotta be munching up on a TCBLT.
check the teleport:

Tofu, Carrot, Baconish, Lettuces, and Tomato,
you got it.
on a multiseed fancy bagel, buttered and toasted on the stove,
fattened up with vegenaise,
and really just a damn great way to kick off the whole fiesta.
fresh to death,
louder than a perfect ten,
harder than naughty dog's head.
it's all really happening,
and that's the whole point.
i said the things you say,
and i'm doing what needs to be done-
active participation, intention, attention, invention, and a decent dose of convection
have got me one hundred percent ready and willing to bring the most furious,
ferocious, raging stormswept savage shark gluttony to the table.
eight days a week, like it's a whole other full-time job.
today is the day.
the first one of a series,
tonight is the night,
the premier, the debut, the season opener,
and i'll be honest,
i've been waiting five months for this,
and i'll have to wait seven more before the next one.
that's just the thing of it, neighbors-
it's not a guarantee,
and it's not for the weak-sauce of spectators.
if you aren't involved, you're not invited. get involved, man.
may day, all day,
the world is unfolding as the bread is encircling;
never quiet, never soft.....

Saturday, April 30

goodbye, april.

up early?
of course!
you bet.
the solution?
breakfast scone squares.
check the teleport:

they've got the thick hot action going crazy deep within 'em.
sooooooo many itty bitty chocolate chips,
they have that uber-melt-o-matic factor in spades.
and a ton of almond slices,
dispersed throughout the exxxtra-buttery,
plain, unsweetened tangy soy yogurt-enriched flakes-
and i mean, LOOK at 'em.
the layers on layers of stacked foldover freshness is F*ing great.
they're heavy on the spelt,
which really gave the crumb some much-appreciated girth.
a little almond extract in with the vanilla almond milk,
and vanilla extract in with the lemon juice,
and lemon extract in with the yogurt,
all that essence, all that infused and concentrated vitality,
whipped up into a sloppy sludge and absorbed by the thirsty grains,
and before you're finished turning and folding and turning and so on and on,
the wetness is packed to the tippity top with every possible angle
of full-bodied complexity and complete hottness turned up to eleven.
and just because too much is the right amount,
the added cocoa dust spritz on top really put the heckful boomfire
straight up onto the whole damned thing.
i mean,
i spread it by hand on the wet dough,
and it stuck fast, like it was meant to be there the whole time-
it kept the moisture from escaping too quickly,
which in turn kept the flakes looking all kinds of super sexxxy.
...i love that.
did i put them in the freezer while the oven preheated?
yeah, i did.
i mean, that's the right way, and i'm not about to get wrongful in the home stretch.
how long does it take my oven to get to 400degrees?
i don't know!
while i didn't keep track of the time,
i can say for sure that the cold-relaxation effect affected some true
traditional and truly triumphant scone texture in the best way.
so expert.
pull-apart right angles of angelical devilish chocolaty biscuit sorcery
are a good way to say adios to april.
just in time, because the BIG action is coming our way, now,
and hopefully we can make room in our bellies for so much more bread.
crabtree is being a total butt.
i guess he's april foolin' on me one last time
y'ever eat deer poops?
me neither.
he must know something we don't,
because not only can he find them with unerring accuracy,
in the mouldiest leafy litter in the woodsliest goodness of the hikiest climbs,
but he also happens to find them a delicacy, too.
listening gets harder for him, the nicer the weather gets,
and the more the neighbors all get outside to lure his limited attention span
towards pulling, jmumping, and generally being a total butt. i said.
tomorrow, however, even his sh!ttiest suckery won't undo the dopeness.
there's too much awesome, and it's too important to me.
i'm not setting my expectations too high,
i'm stating my demands,
and mutherF*ers,
they will be met.
goodbye, april,
hello sandwiches;
never quiet, never soft.....

Friday, April 29

oh, fudge.

white chocolate is not chocolate.
it is also not usually vegan.
there are sources, and styles,
that make for serendipitous circumstances,
and when i find that puddingy in-the-mix package,
i put it in the pot.
i've got the thickest, fudgiest white chocolate and brown sugar cake
that nobody knew was a thing, including me.
but i GOT it,
and it's good.
the not-chocolate is white, but the not-white is brown and sweet.
yum yum YUM.
a single layer of this heavy, moist masterwork is a lot,
but you KNOW i couldn't leave it alone.
i mean,
what a i?
an A*-hole?
no way, neighbors.
just take a quick look at what i'm lacing into:

what makes white chox better?
coffee of course!
coffee frosting is pretty special, when you do it right.
and doing it right is an imprecise science, to be sure.
coffee extract is weird, but it is also the essence of pure being,
and instant coffee is gross for drinking,
but it IS molto expert for dissolving in sugar and butter
and beating into a fluffy froth of 'sting.
true story.
you like it.
with a couple cups of flour,
and a stick of butter,
and six ounces of soy yogurt,
a cup and a quarter of light brown sugar,
white chocolate essence tapioca secret sauce,
teaspoons of baking powder, soda, and vanilla,
plus a pinch of salt,
and a cup of vanilla soymilk,
in a supermixed mass of aerated excellence,
poured into a greased and floured pan,
and baked in a 350degreeF oven for 50 minutes-ish,
i had a cake that's crushing previous cakey expectations,
and turning the new standard up to eleven.
who knew?
and that's before the frosting fires up the exxxtra hottness!
dark chocolate drizzlers, strippin' and stripin' the surface are nice,
but the added little dazzler of cocoa in with the remaining coffee jauns,
for a serious mocha explosion really truly blow the doors
right off of and well-away from the average cake scene.
too much is the right amount,
and that applies to cake as much as everything else.
i got the goods, and you're welcome to help yourself to a fat slice,
but as always, you'll have to travel up into the remote woodsly goodness to get it.
what do you know about dinner in a bowl?
i love a big bowlful of supper.
i doo-doo that freaky sh!t,
and i do it like i'm wolfen levels of hungry.
that's a lot.
last night,
we had pasta fagioli.
because we had a whole mess of stuff that needed cookin',
to make room for the big shoppin' spree stockpile that will constitute
the bedrock foundation of ingredients for sandwich week.
big onions, two large sliced and two small crushed garlic cloves,
pinkish beans,
diced tomatoes, crushed tomatoes, babyish spinach, fresh basil,
nootch, GPOP, oregano, crushed red pepper flakes, black peps,
rosemary, parsley, bay leaf, bouillon, white wine vinegar, and butterish,
seared, sauteed, and simmered into a sauce that stayed hella thick,
and subtly spicy, with all the big taste you could ever ask for.
over a combo of ditalini tiny tubies, and mini penne,
with a slap of fresh parsley spranx?
check it out:

it doesn't have to be superfancy all the time,
there just has to be a lot of it.
i personally destroyed three full bowls,
and despite knowing full well that i'd eaten the last of it,
still got a little sad when i jumped up to see if somehow it'd made more of itself,
and not surprisingly,
it had not.
i feel the pressure, friends.
i do.
i'm not trying to bring the b!tch-sap to sandwich week, y'know?
i mean,
i've already told you, it's not sandwich weak....
i don't just want to remake every sandwich i've already had, either.
reimagining isn't so bad, really,
but the worst part about shark week is that it's the same ol' sh!t every year.
i'm fixing to bring the noise, and the hottness,
and the all-the-way-live active participation to bear on my dinner situation.
breakfast sandwiches don't wow me all that much,
but there will still be bagels and muffins and toast an' that,
and lunch
i'm too busy to do lunch all that often,
but if i DO, you can bet it'll be a fresh sandwich.
rules is rules, duders.
so, here's the thing-
regular 'guinis aren't going to cut it.
i want that new new,
i want that saucy sauced up stuff.
i want good bread,
and homemade buns,
and flavor that goes on for miles and kilometers.
ive got maybe three of four bangers i know will rock the party,
but that's just about half as many as i need,
and only a third as many as i'd like.
what to do?
what to do?
i guess we'll find out what happens as the week unfolds;
never quiet, never soft.....


blueberries are so expert.
i mean,
they have all that bluish purple stuff in 'em,
and that makes everything bluish purple, too.
more importantly,
they taste amazing.
that's the real real, if you know what i'm sayin'.
they're stainy tasty tiny spheres, neighbors-
and they go great in pie.
...that's what's up.
i told y'all the other day i made two crusts.
the halfie with the creamy maple custard jauns,
and also,
a big ol' batch of burly boiled bloobz,
with creamchee' stirred in;
invisible to the eye,
due mostly to that bluish purple antioxidant dye-
but inextricably intertwined throughout the flavor and the texture,
and the righteous victory of pie-style integrity really shines
thanks to the firmness, sweetness, and hearty smoothness
that the chee' imparted.
no joke.
check the teleport:

check out those braided crust edges!
they're ok.
we've got expert sh!t poppin' off up here in the woodsly goodness
on the regular, and our had-styles and our pie styles are the same styles.
i cut up some strips,
and ampy-d twisted them over, under, and through for me.
that's F*ing teamwork, duders.
but, for realsies,
this pie was quick to make,
and the recipe really wasn't one at all.
a whole bag of frozen wild blueberries.
that's a pound of 'em,
plus lemon juice, extract, vanilla, powdered sugar by the generous shakeful,
and a package of vegan creamchee'.
i cooked that all up,
and powdered some freeze-dried bloobs, to add in alongside some tapioca.
i measured nothing,
i enjoyed everything,
and it looked good from the jump:

hearts on hearts on hearts for pies and tarts.
that's our true kyootness coming out, y'feel me?
it puffed up a bit thanks to that creamchee'.
the bulk and the bump of that silky slow-melting stuff made the middle
the most magical kind of fruit pudding plumpness i've had in an age....
look at it:

i always bake 'em at 420F.
i dunno if that actually matters much,
it's only because it's childishly funny to me.
and i just leave it in there for at least 30 minutes, probably longer-
it's hanging out baking in that oven until the crust gets golden
to the point that i'm pleased with the color
and the cara-melt on those raw sugar sprankles,
...and then that's when i take it out.
next time, i'll clean up the braids a bit,
and trim of the excess,
or make more filling, and take up the gap with bloobs and chee'.
i mean,
there's pounds of hottness happening right there,
and too much is always the right amount,
so i can't pretend that adding in a bit MORE could be detrimental to the big picture.
i bake things, guys.
treats to satisfy my sweet teeth and soften up my bitter disposition.
it works,
in bite sized increments,
and the only reliably course of action is shark-gluttony.
never stop moving forward, never stop eating.
that's the cure for what ails you,
unless you've got a eating disorder, obvi.
then it's just what ails you.
womp womp.
i've got more baking to get busy making,
and more sandwiches to plot out.
y'gotta plan your work,
and work your plan,
if you wanna be the man-
and the manliness is roaring in the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress, for sure.
it's all really happening,
in anticipation of sandwich week.
this is not a joke, this is real life;
never quiet, never soft.....

Thursday, April 28


y'ever see a couple of really cool fellas,
just hanging out in their kitchen in the morning,
enjoying each others' company?
would you like to?
check the teleport:

maybe i AM wearing a pair of boxer briefs as a hat,
in the tradition of some old egyptian jauns,
or maybe like an old-school pizzeria guy-
i'm on some fashion-savvy sh!t,
and so is crabtree.
he likes it,
so i don't see why you wouldn't.
after all,
he's on the cutting edge of what's dope,
provided your interpretation of what's dope is more like
'what valuables are available to chew into oblivion the very
first second i'm not getting your complete and undivided attention'.
like i said- dope.
me and my beady-eyed best buddy are very busy every morning,
doing important things together.
i just thought that maybe, mixed in amongst all the tales
about all the treats,
you might wanna take a little look at who it is doing all of this,
with some behind the scenes sensitivity and sh!t.
.....hope you liked it.
it'll prob'ly be a minute before it happens again,
if you don't love your dog enough to put underpants on your head
and chase him around yelling nonsense in foreign languages,
rehome him to someone who will.
real talk.
this is the woodsly goodness,
this is what's really going on,
this is it,
and that's that;
never quiet, never soft.....

start tarting.

i made a couple of pie crusts.
i did.
i figured, since i was going to be out of town for half the day,
and the dough needs to chill the heck out for a while
before it's really a reliably pliable piece of work,
that what i was actually doing was utilizing good time management
for maximum results with the minimum of wasted motion.
i made a couple of pie crusts.
right now,
i wanna tell you about the littler one.
the smaller crust was the bigger challenge.
jeez, take it easy.
par-baked pie crusts are a tricky situation.
oven-activated sans filling,
they buckle and shrink, the expand and contract, and generally,
without a heavy heap of hottness in the middle,
they're a wholly uncooperative operation as soon as the oven gets involved.
i even used pie weights to help the whole thing progress apace.
well maybe they were marbles from a terrarium,
thoroughly washed, but, they did their job admirably anyway.
the thing is, it was the sides that were being a bunch of little b!tches.
that's something i didn't account for.
i DID plan out a pretty pattern for the top,
in cookie-cutout leaves and stars.
because maple star is my kid's name,
and i figured that was a nice little tribute or somethin'.
check the beige-on-beige-on-beige-tart-type teleport:

fresh to death,
and with the dual light source photography, too.
pretty sweet, no?
i like it a whole bunch.
the custom custard creme in the center is no joke,
and i think this one had a little exxxtra awesomeness
in the form of sap-happy new englandy real maple syrup.
2 cups of almond milk,
almond extract, vanilla,
a 1/3 cup of real maple syrup,
3 heaping T powdered sugar,
2T starch, (i used organic corn, but whatever)
2T flour,
2T tapioca....
all the dry stuff, and half the almond milk, in a blender,
makes the slurry that makes the custard that creams the competition,
when it's added to the hot other half of the stuff.
y'gotta whisk it for all it's worth, though,
or you'll get a filthy flappy fartskid of clotted crap.
you've been warned.
stop stirring when it gets thick, and remove it from the fire.
it'll firm up a whole helluva lot in just a little minute,
so be on your best behavior,
and keep your spatulas at  the ready.
maple syrup is delicious,
and so are almonds,
although almond extract is to almonds
what quicksand is to gorilla biscuits, y'know?
you don't?
well, you should maybe look into it, then...
when you've got texture locked down,
and flavor locked in,
and the visuals on target,
i think what you end up with is something expert.
that's it.
even after polishing off a mountain of food
at the green elephant down in portland eaast;
and terrorizing a coupla cookies afterwards;
AND beating up the last scraps of deep dishery when we got home,
there was still room for several slices of this taupe miracle.
when it's the hottness, you find room to stuff it in.
as i mentioned,
we went to portland yesterday.
i hadn't been in six whole months,
mostly because of crabtree.
no, really.
i'm no longer the type of pet owner who'll leave his little dude
for long lengths in the crate when i'm prefectly capable
of full time day off bro-hangs with my buddy.
i'm honestly as surprised as you must be.
yesterday, joyce and fred, ampy-d's mum and dad,
spent the afternoon with the shark-bullet!
they got to enjoy the barreling bombardier
and his headlong hucklebutt bucking and rolling,
and we headed southeast to the coast.
it's an unfair trade, for sure,
but i wasn't about to argue with anyone who'd insist
on the worse end of the deal,
and damn, i'm grateful they took such good care of my man.
we gorged ourselves on goodness,
grabbed up some specialty groceries,
and nabbed a few new outfits,
for lookin' exxxtra-fresh over the next few days.
little moments, kids.
that's all i ever really need.
tiny bright spots to remind me that the stormclouds
that i'm usually standing under aren't everywhere all the time.
sunny car rides,
too much food,
hand-holding in public,
it helps when i've got cake baked,
and pie dough chillin',
and a plan of attack for our triumphant return.
i mean it.
i don't care what else we do-
big, small, fun, tedious, whatever-
provided that what i feel i need to do gets done, too.
it's all really happening,
and i'm pretty lucky to have gotten the day to enjoy.
six months in the making only made it that much sweeter;
never quiet, never soft.....

Wednesday, April 27

detroit (albie)rock city!

with inches of F*ing SNOW on the ground,
and the trickery of ma nature's fickle temperament doing wonders
towards wreaking ill will throughout the roadways of this northern vale,
i was overwrought with hand-wringing worry about the way the day needed to go.
i mean,
if appointments aren't forthcoming,
or they're cancelling because of environmental inclemency,
that means that the dark magic of deepdish suppertime sorcery can begin
sooner than later, which in turn makes more time for more of everything.
that's called making lemonade,
and NOT the beyonce' kind,
although, perhaps, ma nature turned her chilly shoulders towards us
because she's been listening to it on repeat?
who knows?
who cares?
i did it another 'nother time because for once i had the time.
...i did.
you know what we LOVE,
you know what we need,
and now,
you can see what we've got.
check the motor-city-marinara-madness-type teleport:

this is the the new new fuego,
and this straight-up fire for your face is furious, and ferocious,
and also pretty filling.
word up.
i HAD to activate the triple threat hottness,
all on one spectacular angular rock city rectangle,
because rules is rules,
and if there's only one pan,
it's better have a LOT going on!
a grid of woodsly goodness crossed with deep dish dopeness from detroit.
no big deal.
the exxxtra butter i blasted the dough with before proofing seemed to help,
and the buttery greasin' i gave the pan didn't hurt one bit-
i think it was the olive oil around the edges that really activated the ultimate
in shiny crusted bread barbarianism.
that's some good-A* pizza, duders.
for realsies.
with 500 degrees of baking stone alchemy, and a little time to spare,
the pizza game stays molto strong at the Folk Life & Liberty Fortress.
i let my dough ferment like a champ,
and the double yeast jauns is key.
as is the chillout all day long.
the breadsly aroma of just the dough lets all of us real-life food-heads know
it's gonna be epic before we stretch a single finger's width of buttery big action.
no joke.
i also let it proof on the counter, post-stretch,
with the secret special operational underchee' spread right on it.
there's a lot of cold to warm heating up that happens during the prebake,
and i think that's what i like about the prep scene up here-
the changes are tangible,
and while i'm slowly improving my already expert pepperoni blend,
the dough is rising on the warm wafts from the superhot oven's ambient temps,
and the whole kitchen is alive with active reactions and participation.
that's the best.
a living breathing house is what makes that muthalicker a home, homies.
real talk.
and the homemade hottness really couldn't have been tastier.
check the roster,
via the teleport:

when it comes to classic pizza, any-and-everywhere,
pepperoni is a must.
i respect the scene, i do what must be done.
start at the fundamentals, and freak it off from there.
that's how we doo-doo that freaky-diki fAtbread biz, bro.
o.g. underchee', caramelized yellow onions, daiya mozzarella, crushed tomatoes,
garlic-cashew freshness, sausage-base smoked paprika boomfire discs,
a sprankle of nootch, and fresh basil at the end, to take it fully to eleven.
from there,
i took it a step beyond pure tradition,
but with the more-stylistically accurate detroit sauce blop on top.

you like that black-pepper crusted, black peppered red bean roast?
it's rejuvenated with simmered smoke and ho' sauce and MORE black peps,
for a spicy type of slice of nicey-nice heat for us to eat.
double the chee' on this section, too-
underthunder, daiya, onions, daiya, roast, sliced yellow heirloom tomatoes,
a quick nootch blasting and crushed tomatoes, too.
plus parsley sprankles for the finishing move?
you know it.
that's a lot of pizza, believe it or not.
the double dough is deep,
the chee' levels are heavy,
the whole flippin' thing is a beast.
that's why we still had to have some of the third square, too.
you can't just get full, and think that's some sort of excuse not to eat,
too much is the right amount, always and forever.
the fanciness was rolling along like a category four whitewater rapid.
check it out:

hot red pepper flakes in the white chik'n roast, GPOP sauteed,
and spread out on top of  some olive-oil wilted arugula,
on top of those elite onions.
that's the good sh!t.
fresh garlic-cashew creamy chee' blops on the bottom,
AND then again up top,
eschewing the daiya in favor of a pure-being blarpitiness that transcended
the traditions of regular pizza,
and then went above and beyond deep dish as well.
yum4tum, folks, that's what's up.
the sauce was on point,
the roast chix was too.
everything came together so well,
and i was happy for a minute or two.
look at the greasy sheen on that crust!
it's like cake that started hanging out with the wrong crowd.
i LOVE it.
i LOVE pizza.
i want all of it, all the time,
and i'll be honest with you-
i'm gonna miss it for the eight days that bring the ruckus.
that's a thing-
sandwiches aren't pizza,
and even pizza sandwiches aren't pizza.
sandwich week isn't taken lightly,
but you can bet that there will be twice as much pizza
when the regularly scheduled suppers resume on may 9th.
no joke.
i'm glad for the time to do what i like,
i'm grateful for the people i span that time with,
and i'm ecstatic that circumstances have permitted me to indulge in shark-gluttony
and then share only the evidence and none of the portions, with you;
never quiet, never soft.....

Tuesday, April 26


cookie pie.
it's a thing.
i'd heard of it,
but never had it;
and then, yesterday,
just because i was up even earlier than usual,
i made it.
i wish it was a more complicated creation,
it's just allllllll the cookies in one cake pan.
some folks put it in a pie crust,
but that seemed like some truly weirdie sh!t to me,
and i just pumped up the edges to give it a little shapey-shapin', instead.
this way,
instead of eating three cookies,
i can crush three slices of the new hottness.
that's like eating NINE cookies, but, in the same length of time.
shark-gluttony is not, and will never ever be for weak waterbabies, yo.
that's real.
lets all just quickly check the teleport:

eleven grain goodness, in F*ing full effect.
because the ten grain jauns from past posts are pretty damned good,
but we're a superior sect of futuristic food-heads,
and that makes ten grains seem almost primitive.
too much is the right amount,
and that means three-cookies' worth of slices
of all the grainy good things we can get.
am i right?
i hope so,
because i'm over here eating this baby like it's got nutrients from heaven in it.
spelt, and wheat, rye, and triticale make up the bulk of it,
but there's flax and chia and corn, soy flour, oats, barley, brown rice, and millet.
well, sure, technically, that's twelve things,
but soy flour seems to me to be a tricky picket-line crossing scab,
so it's IN there, but it's not with us, if you feel me....
the thing of it is,
yesterday, when i started baking that blarpity big cookie,
i didn't realize it would take way longer than a cookie.
i started at one and a half times the baking cycle,
but it was nearly tripletime before it wasn't a messy mush
of middle-drooping doo-doo butter anymore.
it's room temperature,
and it's delicious,
and because i couldn't bring myself to chocolate chip
that caramelly brown sugar circle of grit-grimy burliness,
i drizzled a whole bunch of dark chocolate on top,
and activated it jus a bit more with dual frosting freshness around the rim.
of course,
if you're gonna get frisky with eleven grains,
you've got to take it to eleven with the garnishing-
rules is rules when it comes right down to the nitty-grits and sh!ts
of this Folk Life & Liberty Fortress recipe testing ground.
there's shaved chocolate sprankles on there, too,
just to make proof-positive victory over mundane grains and plain jane cookies.
this mutha is monstrous, and magical, and molto expert,
and even though it's really just a big-A* cookie,
it's also something MORE,
and that's what i'm shooting for every time i aim my spatulas
at a bowlful of battery blops all up in this kitchen, kids.
pizza night was last night,
and that was tight.
i LOVE pizza, as y'all already know.
and i love that the local hippe fancy pizza joint has the vegan chee'.
i doo-doo that sort of night-out stuff.
heck i even got a beer.
no. a ginger beer.
i didn't decide to turn into a F*ing A*-hole overnight.
sugary soft drinkies aside,
my near-weekly routine of flattieboombattiebread
is not something i sleep on.

...because mondays are for eating pizza.
i've got a double-trouble double-dough for deepening,
doing what it does, right now, fermenting in the cold of my fridge.
proofing and proving that pizza dual days in a row is very necessary.
what's better than a monday pizza?
tuesday deep dishes, bishes.
i wonder what i'm putting on top of 'em.
i also wonder if i can make a dirty detroit rectangle this time around.
i'll have to butter the pa,
and oil the crust,
to give it that greaseburn sizzle,
but i'm up for it,
and i'm curious to see how it'll turn out.
today is the day, and tonight is the night,
and despite the date being late april,
it's muthaF*ing SNOWING right now.
nature wins,
and that's non-negotiable.
we'll be outside in a minute, crabtree and i,
doing what we do-
which is fighting over a stick,
and kicking each others' butts,
for a few miles uphill each way.
that's a hard style in nice weather,
and a real sunovab!tch in this weather.
it's all really happening,
cookie pie, pizza pie, cakey deep dish delish'ness,
and a wet whirlwind of wintry psych-outery suckiness.
that's it;
never quiet, never soft.....

Monday, April 25

thirty faces.

it's that time again, neighbors.
i've been makin' 'em,
and savin' 'em,
just to show you what i do in the mornings.
when i'm awake, and you aren't.
check the thirty-rock-type teleport:

that's a lot.
but wait,
there's still waaaaaaay MORE:

that's the best part, kids.
too much is the right amount,
and even when staying dope is much harder than staying ugly,
i just gotta do the things i do.
rules is rules, after all.
you guys want a few more?
you DO?
okay then, here you go:

my mornings start out pretty expert.
it's the rest of the day that poses a challenge;
never quiet, never soft.....